


Tumbleweed

by angelboygabriel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF!Gabriel, Bottom!Gabriel, F/F, Fallen!Gabriel, Fix It Fic, Happy Ending, Hunter!Gabriel, M/M, Platonic Destiel, Spirited Away undertones, Top!Sam, Unrequited Love, ace!Castiel, amnesiac!gabriel, bunker love, chuck is a good dad, human!Gabriel, married charliexdorothy, no-face as a monster, protective!Sam, rebuilding relationships, recurring themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7589989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelboygabriel/pseuds/angelboygabriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gabriel falls from heaven, he's suddenly steeped into humanity as a human himself. </p><p>This would be all fine and dandy except for one thing- he's lost and confused and someone stole the very thing that matters most to him. Or at least, his memories of him. </p><p>A human named Sam Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn't really explain falling, not really. Human language never quite conveyed the scope of the emotion, it was like trying to personify a dying scream and amp it up into a whole metaphysical being. 

It was a rapid process, of course, damnation quick to set in your veins and slowly burn your wings, from the inside out. It hit you, all at once, a crippling blow of everything humanity had to offer and then that was it. 

Too much pain to even remember tumbling down, down, down from the wayward heavens into a very broken planet. 

-

This wasn't Gabriel's first time falling.   
It was simply the worst one. 

Through all the ugly pain, Gabriel came to; days, maybe weeks later, head thumping against the rough bark of a tree and a odd snuffling at his hand. Everything felt alien and foreign, his ruined grace binded disgustingly tight to his vessel while pain spiked through his stomach and the snuffling continued. 

It was when the sensation started on his hand did he really wake up and he opened his eyes to scream, at a frequency so high no mortal creation could possibly hear. It was when he realized what the full-body feeling was (hot hot HOT) did his eyes roll back into his head and he slumped back against the tree. 

The last thing Gabriel saw before falling unconscious was a bright, bright sun. 

It reminded him of his father. 

-

Gabriel finally truly woke up when night fell. His moon weighed down the sky and his family's stars twinkled and smiled from above down at him, but Gabriel couldn't find it in himself to care. Right now, he was transfixed on the horizon and the messy beauty of where he was. It vaguely made him think of creating a certain a human, the snarl of the tree trunk like muscle, the dunes and cliffs of the desert like form, and the damp color like the swirling flow of an eye. 

This was a place called Joshua Tree. 

He stared down at himself, vaguely aware something was changed this time around in his vessel, when he took a deep breath and it clicked. Maybe his dad was looking out for him after all. 

It was the same (true) vessel, just tuned a little different- he was a little taller, and with more defined muscle, and fought down the urge to check his pants. Stifling down a snicker, he realized his voice was pretty gravelly, but that was probably because the lack of water. 

And that's when he noticed the dog. 

More specifically, his dog- the first Jack Russell ever created, an adorable and mischievously smart terrier Gabriel fondly called Max. Pepsi Max Milton. He'd only been a fledgling of a thousand and two at the time, which explained the name, but nonetheless it stuck. He was glad to have the dog as company, and tried to pull himself into a standing position which didn't end well when he underestimated his new height and smacked his head against a branch and he swore, snapping his fingers to send the offending plant into flames, but frowned when nothing happened. 

Oh. Right. He was human. 

"Hey, Max, o'er here boy!" he called to the investigative dog and the terrier faithfully chased up to his heels as Gabriel unsteadily began to walk. 

"So? Where are we going?" Gabriel asked, not expecting answer from his dog. 

Gabriel didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed when all the dog did was bark. 

The two started walking, picking barefooted over rocks and cacti and probably bad things that crawled. Pain started to register in Gabriel's feet and stomach, and he sighed. He had absolutely no skills on navigating his dad's drunken creation party called the national parks. Something from Gabriel's days slumming on Earth as a pagan whispered that the chances of finding civilization in these natural expanses, in the dead of night, was small. He kept walking, seeing things here and there that reminded Gabriel of home.   
When he saw a lizard skitter away from his feet, he choked back a sob. It looked like the fish he showed Castiel, eons ago...

Gabriel stopped, suddenly overwhelmed with the ghost feeling of waves at his feet and rain on his head, storm raging as he stopped Castiel from stepping on the fish that had just crawled out of the sea. He remembered, clear as day, brushing against Castiel's grace and telling him not to step on that fish. Big plans for that fish. 

Max whined at him and Gabriel snapped out of it. That was from a forgotten time in a forgotten home, a home he thought he might return to but no. 

It was torn from him. Again. 

Whatever shreds of grace were left in him burned in anger, and anyone who had been around to look would have seen a man with glowing golden eyes find the steel resolve to bring vengeance on whoever had caused this. 

Anybody looking would not have seen a man, but the angel of Justice, shaking with righteous fury. 

But that moment ended and Gabriel began to walk again, methodically placing one foot in front of the other as the brush cleared out and left to the twisted trees that reminded Gabriel bitterly of himself. His whole body was starting to ache with odd human pains, but he kept walking. 

The stars began to fade and Gabriel sent a passing prayer to the heavens as his legs began to feel like jello, and then he was stumbling, ankle twisting hard, almost sending him over a ridge. As he laid there, trying to catch his breath, he looked over the ridge and let out a whoop of joy that was turned sharp yelp of pain as he tried to stand. Max whimpered and Gabriel pulled the dog to him, letting the animal sniff at his torn button down. Max barked softly and shimmied away, staring at Gabriel like he was expecting him to stand. Gabriel shook his head. "No, no, I'm sorry, Max- MAX!" he yelled as the dog jumped over the ridge, sliding down the slope and landing by the road rather gracefully. Gabriel stared at the dog doubtfully, before managing to push himself down the slope. Wincing as he reached the bottom, he looked at the baked road and slumped back as the sun rose. 

The desert around him was beautiful, but Gabriel realized he needed water. And if he needed it, Max probably did too, so they sat and waited, and Gabriel sent a silent beg to anyone listening a car would come soon. 

The sun was broiling by the time one finally came, sweat dripping down his face as the afternoon seemed to brake to a halt like the rusty red truck that just pulled up. He squinted hard into the sun as a figure blocked it out, and then he was leaning hard on the person as he was pulled up and dragged into the vehicle. Max barked and jumped ahead of him and Gabriel tried talking, only earning a confused snort from his savior. 

"Thank you. I probably would'a died without you. Well, maybe not, I'm pretty awesome..." Gabriel's eyes weren't adjusted enough to see who was in the driver's seat, but a feminine voice laughed. "Buddy, what language are you speaking?" she asked and Gabriel realized he had been babbling Enochian to her. She pulled out a water bottle and tilted it to his lips, Gabriel slowly feeling more and more alive with each trickle of water into his stomach. Shoving it back with a gasp, the woman gave some to a grateful Max and then they made eye contact. She stuck out her hand. "My name's Charlie. Charlie Bradbury. I don't really wanna know why you're in the desert, but just say you won't kill me." she said with a smile and Gabriel grasped her hand, shaking in return. "I'm Lok- Gabriel. Gabriel Milton. And I promise I won't kill you." he reassured and she grinned and revved the engine, tearing down the road. She shoved another water bottle at him about thirty minutes later and demanded he drink. Normally, he wouldn't take orders from humans, but the wily redhead seemed like a force to be reckoned with. About an hour later they exited the park and Gabriel was feeling much better, serenely petting Max while Charlie drove. After passing a town, Charlie decided to start talking again. "Where are you going, Gabriel?" She asked and Gabriel frowned. Frankly, he didn't know. 

It seemed like he never knew. 

"Wherever you're going will be fine, I'm sure." he responded and Charlie laughed. "Las Vegas it is!" she announced and Gabriel let a tentative smile slip on his face. "You know, you remind me of a brother I once had. His name was Sam- I bet you'd like him. You're around his height." Gabriel tried to grasp that, but something was wrong. That name- Sam. It sounded horribly familiar but Gabriel couldn't place it and that bothered him. Ignoring that, he grinned and asked "How tall is Sam?" He had to be pretty short if Gabriel was his height. 

Charlie grinned and turned onto a highway, where cars whizzed carelessly by. "He's six four." she said and Gabriel laughed. "Ha! Funny. I'm nowhere near that tall." he said and Charlie gave him a funny look. "Dude, you're like six two. At least." she said and Gabriel raised his eyebrow. Obviously, he was taller than he had originally thought. "Can I ask what you do for a living?" he said and she smirked. "Me and my girlfriend- Dorothy- are hunters."  
"Like the Winchesters?" Gabriel said and Charlie nearly drove off the road. "Excuse me?" she asked and Gabriel ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that." Her grip relaxed slightly on the steering wheel and she casted a sideways glance at the ex-archangel. It bothered Gabriel even more that he couldn't place that name- it felt important. It felt like something he once knew and something he wanted and Gabriel grabbed his head. This was making him dizzy. Charlie started to look worried when Gabriel started breathing heavier, grabbing at his head and then he winced in pain before slumping back. Charlie's heart thundered as she pulled over. "No no no, please don't be dead, dude, I don't wanna be a murderer..." And then Gabriel shot awake and grabbed her arms so hard she screamed in pain. His eyes were bright and oozing power, and his voice didn't sound real when he spoke. 

"You have to help me." he thundered and it sounded like the earth itself was speaking, air collapsing in to create those five words. Charlie felt awe lance her heart and this was just typical, wasn't it? She couldn't find a normal dude in the desert, it had to be this tall guy with crazy hair and eyes and was apparently an amnesiac angel. 

And just like that it was over, and Gabriel was staring at her with wide, and very human eyes. "Why are we pulled over?" he asked and Charlie stared at Max, who seemed totally unfazed. Two fingers lifted under her chin so she met his eyes. "I said, why are we pulled over?" he snarled and Charlie didn't know how she didn't snap off her steering wheel. "You're an angel." she said and Gabriel gave a cold laugh. "Think a league above and all its own, kiddo." he replied and Charlie stared at him. "You're an archangel." she deadpanned and Gabriel mimed smacking a bell. "Bingo." he said sarcastically and Charlie gasped. "Oh my God! That makes you, like, actual GABRIEL Gabriel? Like the so-fucking-cool warrior of justice and stuff Gabriel? Sam's-unrequited-love Gabriel? Oh my God. Oh my God." she squealed and Gabriel groaned. "Who is Sam?" he asked and the smile fell from her face. 

"He's my brother. And he's a Winchester." she responded and Gabriel cocked his head. "I know him." he said suspiciously and Charlie giggled. "From what Dean told me a few years back, you more than 'knew' him. But I gotta warn you, he's changed." she said solemnly and Gabriel couldn't help but smirk. If his mojo was back, maybe he would have been able to remember this guy Charlie was accusing him of sleeping with. "I'm gonna take you home and fix you up. No offense, your royal awesomeness," That earned a grin from Gabriel, "but you kinda look a mess." she said and Gabriel sighed. His ankle was clenching in horribly human pain and he realized there was a gouge down his chest. He'd seen better days. 

Charlie turned back onto the road and they drove until dusk, finally reaching a small house in a warm-looking neighborhood with a backdrop of an intensely bright city. Gabriel vaguely remembered Charlie calling it Las Vegas and something told him a wild night with his brothers Michael and Lucifer had lead to them making the city. "Sin City." Gabriel commented as they pulled into a driveway and piled out of the truck. A faint smile tugged at Charlie's face and she opened the door, Max darting in and jumping into the arms of a surprised woman with her hair in a messy bun and pajamas. 

"Charlie? Who's this- woah. Who is that?" She asked as she noticed a bedraggled Gabriel standing behind Charlie. "Dorothy, that little sunshine you've got is Max. And this is Gabriel. The- the archangel." she stuttered and Dorothy's eyes widened. "Oh my God! Oh my God." she said in turn to Gabriel and Charlie each. Gabriel grimaced. "I'd be pretty happy if you didn't bring dad into this." he said and Dorothy nodded like a bobblehead. "Yeah, yeah, of course." she said and then he was being ushered into a house and whisked around by both women, first into scarfing down a pot of Mac n' Cheese like he was a dying man, what he guessed was a good gallon of water, and then shoved into the bathroom to "clean his holy self."

This prospect was a little odd, seeing as Gabriel had never actually had the need to shower before. He could just snap away the "yuck." 

But now, in a little house in Nevada, faced with something as quintessentially human as hope, the archangel Gabriel broke down and cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Being human was overwhelming.   
Gabriel woke up in a strange bed in a strange place, grabbing his head and groaning in pain as he slid out of the bed and padded downstairs to the kitchen. "Can I ask where on Dad's green earth am I? And what did I drink last night?" Both Charlie and Dorothy whirled around to stare at him, Charlie breathing into a... phone and Dorothy raising her eyebrows. "Nice bod." she quipped and Charlie elbowed her before turning back to her conversation. Gabriel stared at his shirtless self and raised his own eyebrows. "Wanna see what else is pretty nice? Or if that's not your style, naughty?" he said with a trademark smirk and Dorothy turned bright red. "You're a fallen angel and I'm a lesbian. No." she said and Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows before-  
Shit. Everything from yesterday and the day before came flooding back and Gabriel tried not to let tears prick his eyes as he grabbed the kitchen chair. 

Since when did he cry?

Dorothy's disapproving look turned into one of sympathy and membrance as Charlie hung up and clapped her hands. "Okay! I called them, they should be here right about-"

(Gabriel will never, EVER admit to screaming like a human girl when suddenly two humans and an angel appeared right in front of him.)   
"Castiel!" he shrieked and threw himself into a crushing hug that had the angel more than a little disgruntled, but nonetheless hugging back with vigor. "Brother." Castiel commented as they separated and held each other at arms length. 

That's when Gabriel noticed the two humans. 

Max trotted in and Gabriel scooped him up, while the shorter one gave him a look like he had seen a ghost. And when Gabriel turned to the taller one, he was struck by a sudden feeling of heartbreak and he didn't know why. The taller one's eyes were filled with horror and disbelief, and Gabriel could barely see his lips forming "this can't be happening, this can't be happening..." over and over again. Unable to keep looking at him, Gabriel turned to Castiel. "Who are these people?" he asked and both men flinched. The short one stepped forward, running a hand through his hair before sticking out his hand. "I'm Dean. You liked to kill me and- jesus, your vessel is way different. You're not two feet tall." he said with a slight smirk but it was painted with sadness.   
Like Gabriel was missing something. 

Deep inside him, Gabriel knew this Dean was recalling his trickster persona, but seeing as these two humans seemed to have been erased from his memory, his attempt to pull on that string more failed as the thought faded. He turned to face the other man and felt a weird sense of pride and shock when he was nearly eye and eye with him. He stuck out his hand and Gabriel grasped it and felt something in him short circuit when the man stuttered out "I'm S- Sam." Gabriel was suddenly struck with a very vivid memory of Sam talking about the wiring in walls to him which left Gabriel confused. He said nothing but "I'm Gabriel." and and tried not to dwell on the desperation in Sam's eyes as Charlie gave him a look that prickled the back of his neck that he pretended not to notice. 

-

"Is this some kind of cruel joke?" Sam yelled at Charlie once they reached the living room. 

If Gabriel- or fallen Gabriel, or whoever he was was in earshot, Sam didn't care. This was just the kind of freaking ironic practical joke the universe liked to play on Sam Winchester and he was fed up. He had fought angels, demons, monsters, his family, friends, lovers, the devil himself, and the literal darkness for crying out loud. And just when everything was going to be "fine," Gabriel shows his face, eleven fucking years later, like Sam still didn't have a hole in his heart from what they were and could have been. Like Sam didn't go back to that hotel and scream himself hoarse over the broken body of the archangel.   
Like Sam never loved him. 

"How do I even know that's Gabriel? His own vessel looks different! He grew a foot and he just- he just- why me?" Sam yelled and Charlie patted his arm. "He doesn't remember you, Sam." she whispered and Sam stared at her. "How could he not? He tortured me and loved me." he spat and Charlie tried to smooth down his shirt in her agitation. "Maybe the key to his old life is making a new one." she offered quietly, and Sam blinked back the hot tears that threatened to spill over. "What do you mean?" he asked and she smiled. 

"Make the memories new."

-

When Sam and Charlie had left to talk, Gabriel shoved past Castiel and Dean to go to what he was considering "his room" now. Some of Sam's angry shouts floated up to Gabriel, and he squeezed his eyes and ears shut, desperate to block out what might as well have been Lucifer and Michael fighting. His head throbbed, and he knew there was a whole mess of things with these Winchesters that needed to be resolved. When the door creaked open, it was for his brother to slip silently in, bed dipping softly under the seraphim's weight as he stared at the ex-archangel splayed out on the bed. 

"You should put a shirt on." Castiel suggested and Gabriel nodded, snapping his fingers, and was reminded yet again he didn't have any mojo. Instead, Castiel handed him an Icarus t-shirt with sad eyes and just how fitting, Icarus on the fallen angel. He sat up and slid it on. 

"Do you remember their creation?" Gabriel asked and Castiel nodded. "You were there too, you know."  
"But I don't remember."  
"You will."  
"What makes you so sure?"  
"You're my big brother. Everything works for you."

Gabriel was silent after that. 

"I think I remember Dean. It's fuzzy around the edges, but you and Michael... You and Mikey and Dad all created him together. Dad said it was his gift to you and called him humanity." Castiel smiled at that and nodded. "I think it was similar for you. Father and Lucifer had you help create Sam much like I did. You told me he's a part of you, and I asked why, and you said because an artist always puts himself into his art. I never understood what you meant until..." he trailed off and Gabriel sighed. Max chose now to climb onto the bed and nuzzle Gabriel as Castiel sat deep in thought. "So you remember nothing of Sam?" he asked and Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Bro. How many times I gotta tell you?" Castiel smiled at that, but it faltered as his face lit with a dull realization. 

"Do you know what a no-face is?" Castiel inquired and Gabriel started automatically speaking. "Kaonashi are Japanese spirits. They eat all the good memories of anything not human." he recited and Cas tipped his head. 

"I think the kaonashi took your Sam."

-

Castiel and Gabriel appeared in the kitchen again, where Sam was talking with Charlie, Dorothy, and Dean; but Gabriel couldn't bring himself to look Sam in the eyes. Castiel explained they needed to return to the bunker, so they all said goodbye, with Gabriel offering Charlie and Dorothy his thanks and blessings before Cas touched his forehead and the world fell away, only to reassemble in a small library. Gabriel vaguely remembered watching this room from heaven, and before he could ask for anything, Cas, Dean, and Sam were gone and Gabriel was left alone. 

He smirked bitterly. Like this is the first time he's been abandoned. Sighing, he started to explore the bunker, walking down down labyrinthine corridors and peering in countless rooms, walking until his feet hurt and he's stopped in front of a door. Looking in cautiously, he slowly lets himself in and the door shuts softly behind him. It's a bedroom, good as any, so Gabriel climbs onto the bed and falls asleep.   
It smells familiar and it's the first time Gabriel has ever really slept. 

-

They had been searching for Gabriel for a little before Dean just flung up his hands and went to get a beer.   
Sam just sighed in resignation and walked down to his room, opening the door and realizing with a soft pang in his chest that Gabriel was curled up in his bed. Sam doesn't say anything as he slides on some pajama pants and tosses his shirt off. He crawls in after the ex-archangel and pulls him flush against him by the hip. 

The last thing Sam thinks before falling asleep is maybe Charlie is right. Maybe they should get a new start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! this is probably going to be my first 10k+ fic so it's all a little new (oops) but it would be rad as heck if you left some comments/criticisms/kudos! thank you  
> -your humble sabriel slut


	3. Chapter 3

Sam and Gabriel had been lovers. 

It was an on and off thing, three years of not-quite-able-to-be-labeled. Sometimes they'd just fight, screaming at each other until they were red in the face and then one thing lead to another and Sam had his lips crushed against Gabriel's, and then it was cat-and-mouse of tearing off each other's clothes and falling into bed, hands hot on thighs and lips warm on necks. And other times it was the complete opposite, they'd be staying in a shitty motel and Sam would suddenly find himself in a honeymoon suite in a Greecian resort on the sea and Gabriel would be there, smiling serenely and sticking out his hand for Sam to skinny dip with him in the private pool. Other times it had nothing to do with sex at all, regardless of how physical their relationship was. Gabriel would offer vital information for a hunt, restock the fridge to the brim, snap a couple hundred bucks into existence. Make the motel five star, conjure up some spells. Small things, that nonetheless made Sam the happiest he'd been since Jess. Dean never knew he stuck around all these years after Sam's night out at Crawford, and after Mystery Spot, and TV Land. 

After Elysium Fields and Kali cut the blood spell, Sam had waited. And waited and waited. Until he had finally cracked, going back into the desiccated hotel to find Gabriel, hole in his chest with the ugly burns of feathers marring the floor. Sam had fallen to his knees screaming and crying for who knows how long until Dean had finally found him and dragged him away. Sam had been hysterical for days after that, hallucinating Gabriel everywhere and locking himself in his room to be alone. 

Losing him was his personal hell and now it was happening all over again. 

-

Sam woke up early the next morning to Gabriel curled comfortingly against him. He silently swore at himself for doing this in the first place, teasing himself over what was and could have been. For this one moment, however, Sam let himself have this. Sam let himself have this, whatever "this" was for one more moment before untangling himself from Gabriel and throwing on a shirt. He was still asleep when Sam walked out, but he didn't care. At least one of them were at peace. 

A few hours later, Sam was forcing down years of repressed guilt and regret as he shook Gabriel awake. The ex-archangel glanced at him blearily and put a hand in his face. "Go 'way, S'mantha." he grumbled and Sam forced a smile. "Get up. If you're gonna stay here you're gonna pull your weight. If you don't get up, I'll make Dean wake you, and trust me, a literal gallon of Arctic seawater courtesy Cas is not a fun thing to start your day with."

Gabriel snickered but buried himself back in Sam's bed. "Let 'em try. Can't trick the trickster." he gloated and Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hey, Dean?" Sam yelled and Gabriel turned a little to glare at him. Dean poked his head in the room and smiled evilly. "Does he need help waking up?" he asked and Sam nodded. He let out a taxi cab whistle and then Gabriel was screaming and leaping out of bed as water poured all over him. Dean cackled hysterically as Gabriel shivered and clung to himself, glowering at the elder Winchester and spitting curses to make his brother Lucifer proud, shaking like a leaf as Dean just smiled. "That's payback for Mystery Spot." he snickered and then he was gone. Sam smiled apologetically at the angel before tossing a towel he had behind his back at him. Gabriel scowled. "You knew this would happen." he accused and Sam smirked. "I did learn from the best." he said with a faint smile, but soon it was wiped away as he stared at Gabriel. "You DO need to earn your keep. Up and at 'em. I'll see you in the gun range." Sam said before turning down the hall, and then there was Dean, in all his robed, pre-coffee glory. Castiel was perched beside him, holding his own cup awkwardly and Dean patted his coat in thanks.

Sam shook his head in mock sadness as he leaned against a pillar, and Dean and Castiel resumed their conversation on guns. "Dean?" he asked softly, and then two pairs of eyes, one jade and one lapis lazuli, turned to face him. "What's up, Sammy?" he asked and Sam smiled nervously, stressing the sleeve of his coat. "I'm not doing so well with this." he admitted and Castiel cocked his head. "Why? Would not this be beneficial for your happiness?" Castiel asked and Dean shot him a dangerous look, slowly thinking Sam's words through. "You seem pretty damn fine to me." he said and Sam grimaced. 

"God, I know. I've been hiding this and fuck it, maybe I should let it out. You remember when we met Gabriel first at Crawford Hall? You went out to the bar and hooked up with- Starla- and I ah, hooked up with him. Gabriel. It was only gonna be a one night stand, but I don't even know. And then the next night, I was walking to the library and he was sitting on the curb like he knew I was coming. And we went back to his place, and we uh, did it again. He just wanted to know if I needed some coffee and I guess you could say I flirted my way back into bed. And then I found out he was what we were hunting, and I was devastated when we 'killed' him. But then a week later we're busting a vamp nest and you're out at a bar when he's knocking on the motel door and that's when things started to get complicated. Because we never stayed away. It stopped becoming sporadic and I began to learn him- he's fucking addicted to candy, loves 80's music, likes to dance, loves chocolate and acts like it's his holy duty to drop one-liners. And he learned me, and that's how Mystery Spot was so twisted. It was built to get to me. I always knew, this trickster God knew something about me I never knew, and probably wouldn't. He started to visit me less and less after Mystery Spot. 'Betrayed my trust and betrayed us.' he claimed and it stung. I told him to just leave after that and it was the last I saw of him before TV Land. By this time I was suspecting what he was and desperate for him to really figure his commitment issues out and stay with me. I missed him. I wanted him. And then he tossed us in all that and we found out who he is- no, was- and that's when it hit me. All this time, he had taken a side. Mine. Which meant hell. For years he had been trying to prepare me, he'd been getting me ready to survive. That hit home and I spilled it all to him, sobbing, and he'd said things I swear an archangel can't say twice. He zapped us into a mini time loop all our own, and I guess it was almost honeymoon. We were finally normal. And then the stupid bitch gets himself killed and decides years later to show back up? I feel like dying." Sam's voice cracked and Dean was silent. 

"Sam, I'm sorry, I never knew-" Dean started but Sam waved his hand. "Maybe it is good I get a start over. We can forget all our messed up shit from the past. Right?" he asked and Castiel nodded minutely. 

Castiel was the only one who heard Sam mumble another "Right?" under his breath, looking like his heart was broken and this time, there was no fixing it. 

-

Gabriel walked in sometime later, somehow having located Castiel's bee socks, tea, and a strawberry frosted donut. All this was bundled into an Icarus tee and lollipop patterned-boxers and looked so uniquely Gabriel that Sam's fake smile faltered into a simply miserable look. If Gabriel's vessel had been normal, Sam probably would have done or said something horrible to mess up everything he had started in the works of tentatively regaining the ex-archangel's trust and reimplementing himself towards him. Luckily, Chuck seemed to know maybe Gabriel 2.0 would keep Sam grounded. 

Gabriel waved kind of uselessly at the three of them, and Dean simply scoffed, tossing a gun at Gabriel which clattered to the ground at his feet. He raised an eyebrow as he picked it up, and inspected it closely. "What the hell do you want me to do with this?" he asked and Dean grinned. "Shoot the target. Gotta learn to fire a gun, man. And if you fuck up and shoot yourself, I want you to know I'm not gonna help. I don't owe anything to you after our past." he said in such a serious tone that Gabriel started to question himself. Had he really been that horrible to them? He rolled his eyes and walked up the the target setting, smirking as he cocked the gun. "Can I shoot? Bitch please." He said as he pulled the trigger and the shot rang out thunderously loud from the gun. 

When Sam, Dean, Cas, and Gabe all crowded in to see where he shot, Gabriel wooped and pumped his fist in the air. It was a perfect shot to the head. Dean scoffed. "Beginner's luck." he said but Sam and Castiel had allowed themselves to smile slightly. "Try it again." Castiel urged and the three stepped back to let him shoot. He shot again, this time directly to the target's heart. He felt a confident smile slide into his face as Dean grumbled. "Third time's the charm." Sam said and Gabriel nodded. 

Maybe what his downfall was the fact that he didn't even bother looking where he was shooting, getting cocky and instead smirking at Dean. He missed so bad, they didn't even see where it went. Dean howled with laughter and Gabriel scowled before reloading a new round into the gun, trying again. And again and again and again. Gabriel slammed down the gun in frustration as Dean held the wall for support, his guffaws turning into silent, full body shakes that Gabriel found absolutely infuriating. "I will not hesitate to make you pay when I get my power back if you don't stop." Gabriel said, voice deadly-calm. It was straight up unnerving to hear that tone on him, and the room fell silent before Sam picked the gun back up. 

"Try again." he said softly and Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Not with them around." he huffed, jabbing a thumb at Dean and Cas, who then disappeared before Dean could stutter a "Wait-" before Castiel swept them away. With them gone, Gabriel cocked the gun and squinted his eyes, but the angle was slightly off and Sam knew he wouldn't hit. So he stepped behind him, leaning around to adjust the gun as Gabriel's body tensed against his. There was a hiss of breath that screamed Sam was pushing it, so he stepped back and let Gabriel fire, hitting the target. 

"Perfect." Sam said, not looking at the shot, but at Gabriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hELLO :) hope y'all liked this week's update, see you next monday! feel free to drop your comments/kudos/criticisms!


	4. Chapter 4

Taeyong Wu was a mask of a man for a man with no face. Which, in retrospect, probably meant he was no man at all. 

And indeed, that was true. Not a man, but a No-Face. Taeyong had been called many things in his long lifetime, from Diablo del Corazón to Kaonashi, No-Face to Soul Eater, and then now in a human form as Taeyong Wu. He resided in Tokyo, feeding off the thrum of constant life the city attracted and stealing the memories of anything inhuman that dared broach on his territory. He wasn't above feeding off higher beings, quietly retracting anything connecting them to humanity and taking it for himself. 

On his small list of records for himself, Taeyong counted certain things important. 

-He had captured over a million souls  
-He had only been seen, truly seen with human eyes once  
-None of his victims had ever recovered their memories  
-He had stolen from an archangel. 

On the day the archangel Gabriel fell to earth, Taeyong Wu found it easy to steal from him the most important thing in his existence, the only thing the angel bothered to cry out for. 

On that day, Taeyong Wu stole Sam Winchester. 

-

A week had passed since Gabriel came to stay with the Winchesters. Sam had learned to cope with his emotions, Dean learned to cope with the being that killed him so many times, Castiel learned to cope with the weakness of the brother that had once been so strong, and Gabriel had learned to cope with humanity. Things had reached an uneasy equilibrium of tolerance as the Winchesters progressed Gabriel's hunter skills, helping his abilities to shoot, salt and burn, and identify monsters. Gabriel was good at that, having retained visual and audio recognition of nearly every living thing on earth, which Dean classified as "walking encyclopedia material." But in general matters, things finally seemed ok. 

Early Tuesday morning shone bright and cheerful over the bunker's full kitchen. The ragamuffin bunch was sampling a variety of coffees that Castiel had flown in from Hawaii, France, Costa Rica, California, and Madagascar. The blends were so strong and robust that the two humans and ex-archangel were literally shaking from the buzz, Gabriel talking faster than a cars salesman while Dean obsessive-compulsively smoothed every last wrinkle from Castiel's trench coat. 

Gabriel smirked at that, bouncing his jittery hand on his knee as he snuck a wide-eyed stare at Sam, who felt so jacked up on caffeine he couldn't think properly. Dean started smoothing down Castiel's tie and that's when Gabriel said it. 

"Are you two sleeping together?" he asked and suddenly the happy buzz of the room tensed and Sam froze, staring at Dean, whose hand stopped just above Castiel's tie. Gabriel's eyes narrowed as no one answered and Dean just seemed to shut up more. "So?" he asked again and Dean snapped at him. "We're not sleeping together! What makes you think he would even wanna?" he snapped and Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows. "What the hell are you going on about? You two act... uh, you know what scratch that." Gabriel stammered as Dean glared at him. Castiel took this all in serenely, poking at the Madagascar brew in front of him. "I don't experience sexual attraction." he said simply and Gabriel snorted as he looked at Dean, who seemed ready to break his neck. Before he opened his mouth, Gabriel stuck up a finger. "Hey man, that's cool. I didn't know. Dean, what the hell did you think I was insinuating? Do you really think I care?" he asked and Dean looked confused. "You're not mad?" he said and Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Why would I be mad? I don't care what Cas does or doesn't do with his sex life. That's him. I'm in no place to judge, anyways. My eldest son is an eight legged horse." he said and Sam spat out his coffee at the same time as Dean. "Your son- is a WHAT?!" Dean said and Gabriel shrugged. 

It suddenly dawned upon Sam that Gabriel was referring to his life as Loki, and then he remembered that meant he also had an Earth-sized serpent son and a daughter that was a half-dead, half-demon demigoddess. That hurt his head too much, but the pinch to the bridge of his nose made Gabriel smile with a strange fondness. 

"Does anyone wanna work off some of this caffeine?" Sam asked as he tried to still his jittery hands. Dean and Castiel shook their heads but Gabriel crooked his head and smiled. "What'dre we gonna do?" he asked and Sam grinned softly, falling easily back into normal banter. "Come on." he said, pushing back his chair and leading Gabriel down the halls and into the workout room. Pushing it open, Sam revealed a surprisingly modern workout room, with rowing machines, bench presses, track, infinite pool, pull-up bars, and more. There was also a boxing ring in the middle, which Sam headed towards without looking back, jumping the ropes and procuring a towel and water bottle before he looked at Gabriel. 

"Well?" he asked and Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "You want me to... fight you." he said flatly and Sam rolled his eyes. "Duh. Except it's boxing, and it'll be good for practical use when we take you on a hunt." Gabriel hesitated when Sam said "when" and not "if," but the taunting look he was giving was incentive enough for Gabriel to jump the ropes too and face Sam. "No gloves?" he asked and Sam shook his head. "You don't get gloves in real life." he said and Gabriel shrugged. Touché. 

And then suddenly, Sam's fist was swinging towards the side of his head and Gabriel only had a split second to bring a hand up and intercept the strike. It felt like slow-motion when he caught it with his block, Sam looking like he was moving through molasses. 

And then everything was hyper-fast, Sam seeming everywhere and nowhere as Gabriel blocked and parried and managed a return strike, whirling away from Sam's punches and deflecting them with increasing confidence until it was like the two were dancing, blocking each perfectly and swinging only into thin air as they bobbed and weaved around the ring, sweat staining their shirts as Sam finally landed a hook to Gabriel's side and his legs gave out, crumbling to his knees as he tried fruitlessly to catch his breath. 

Sam grinned in victory, offering a hand and water bottle in consolation as Gabriel stood up. 

Gabriel took a deep gulp of the water, reminded again that one of the many joys of being human was the strange sensation of water trickling down his throat, seeping a relaxing chill through his body. Sam smiled and picked at shirt, sticking to his chest before he looked back to Gabriel. 

"Do you mind if I take this off?" Sam asked and Gabriel nodded, before he was struck with the distinct feeling that all the water in his mouth had suddenly evaporated. Sam was absolutely fucking gorgeous, sweat slicking his chest and making the dark ink of his tattoo glisten in the room's light, and he was reminded very vividly of a beautiful canyon in Jordan made of peachy colored sandstone. It was smooth and jagged at the same time, just like Sam. 

"What are you staring at?" Sam asked and Gabriel's eyes snapped back up to his, which were dark with barely-controlled interest. Some vague little voice in the back of Gabriel's head wondered how Sam was holding himself back, and Gabriel mused that maybe it had something to do with their past. 

And then a leg slammed into the back of Gabriel's knees and he was knocked onto his back. Sam climbed onto him, thighs digging into Gabriel's sides as he grabbed Gabriel's wrists, looking absolutely terrifying as he stared down at him. 

"I said, what were you looking at?" 

Gabriel didn't know what this was. There was obviously something going on here, and it frustrated him he couldn't remember a damn thing. 

And he responded with "Your chest." That was clearly the wrong choice with the pained grimace Sam gave and Gabriel dully realized what he was asking. 

"I was staring at you." he whispered and one of Sam's eyes opened. 

"Me?"  
"You."

All the... whatever bled out of Sam and he stood up, walking out on Gabriel and leaving him lying there with more questions and only one answer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look who finally updated this piece of shit work

Gabriel was fairly certain he was not the plague. 

That strong confidence wavered by the day, and as they wore on and on and Sam avoided him like he was it. The plague. Not exactly what Gabriel wanted, as he felt he almost had a breakthrough, and then all that stuff with the gym went and screwed it to high hell. Gabriel didn't even know why Sam would be mad at him for that, and considering the specifics of what it truly meant, you'd think the guy would be a little nicer. But no, he wasn't, and Gabriel was no closer to finding out their past. He'd basically asked Gabriel to see him, not superficial-mortal-plane him, but gauzy-buoyant-too-deep him that was hiding tears than ran deeper than his face behind his eyes. That was a tall order, even for an archangel, and with no juice, he was letting down more than himself. 

After all, he was only human. 

-

"What were we?" Gabriel asked his brother. 

Castiel didn't say anything for awhile. 

"I know what you were." Castiel finally said and Gabriel cocked his head in interest. 

"You were my hero." he whispered and Gabriel swallowed hard, pressing his fingers into his palms. Feeling what humans felt... was not what he expected. Gabriel didn't know how his father could inflict so much pain on one species in so many different ways. 

"I'm not a hero. I'm a coward and a child and a horrible son." Gabriel said flatly and Castiel's hand found his. It was such a human action of solidarity Gabriel was taken aback and then even more with Castiel's response. "You were my hero. You watched me grow and helped me. You were the only brother that truly cared." he said sadly and Gabriel swallowed a lump. "You took me to the beach. You taught me to fly. You helped me when Uriel tried to mess with me. I remember painting my wings gold to match my big brother's." he said and Gabriel turned away. "I was neglectful and I ran. I'm a coward." he accused himself bitterly and Castiel smiled softly. "You ran because you needed to. I harbor no hard feelings for you, no longer at least."

Gabriel laughed bitterly and stood up, pausing before he left the kitchen to turn and look at Castiel. 

It was more than a little unnerving to see those two golden eyes bore right into him, darkened by the weight of humanity but nonetheless still hauntingly ethereal, and Castiel resisted the bloodline urge to bow to his superior. A smirk quirks at Gabriel's mouth before he disappeared around the corner. Castiel didn't see him for the rest of the day. 

-

"Sit down."

Dean wasn't asking. 

His arms were crossed and his eyes had a hard edge of emerald ringing them as Sam gingerly set himself down across from his brother. Dean leaned forwards, sliding a beer over and Sam took it gratefully, popping the cap easily. "So, I've been thinking about some of the stuff you said. And investigating. And I think I know why all this Gabriel crap really has you acting like an emo teenager. You were lovers, blah, blah, blah. And I thought so what? Until I found this." Dean held up a piece of paper and Sam's blood ran cold as his beer bottle smashed to the ground. "Where did you find that?" Sam whispered and grabbed for it, but Dean held it out of his reach. "That's not for me to tell. But I was thinking, after reading this-"  
"YOU READ IT?"   
"Shut up. Let me talk. As I was saying, if he really doesn't remember you, then he doesn't know." Dean concluded. Sam glared. "Of course he doesn't remember." he snapped. "He fucking forgot everything that ever mattered to me. He forgot- me." Sam hissed and Dean shook his head. "You don't get it, do you? It's the memories that are gone. You aren't." Dean said and Sam crinkled his eyebrows. "What?" he said and Dean looked at him. "You gotta stop avoiding him. That's only gonna make it worse. I'm saying, maybe his memories are gone, but you're not. You're right here." he said and Sam finally got it with a soft "oh." 

"Now I'm gonna hold on to this, alright?" Dean said, tucking the letter in his jacket and Sam clenched his fists. "Fine." he hissed. 

-

That night before Gabriel went to bed he found a letter on the bed. It was addressed to Sam in a tight cursive scrawl, but he opened it anyways and began to read a letter written from one lover to another eleven years ago. 

 

Dear Sam,

Hi, kid. I'm glad to know you're doing well, your letter came safe and sound and I was able to open it before Max got to turn it into a chew toy. He misses you a lot. We miss you a lot. I miss you a lot. You left one of your sweatshirts here from the last time you dropped by and I'm sure you won't be surprised I typically abused it in a I-wear-it-all-the-time fashion. It's nice to have a little bit of you here for the long stretches, and please be aware I will not be sending it back. I know I was a total douche for throwing you into that time loop, and I can't thank you for forgiving me. 

I actually can't. 

Why would you forgive me? I've got baggage and a past that haunts me ever day and I tortured you and I'm a coward and weak and confused and why?

Why forgive me? I don't deserve that. I don't deserve you. Sam Winchester, freak extrodinaire indeed to be able to make me fall like a fucking kid for you. God, you drive me nuts. You're so contradictory, you know? Dark and light and merciful and cruel and hopeful and depressive and strong and lost and no one's and mine. Sam Winchester. My freak. 

I might go to hell for loving you.   
I don't care.   
You're making this worth it again.   
You're keeping me alive, Sam Winchester. I'm living for you. You  
You   
I  
I just- you. 

I'll die for you, Sam Winchester.   
Mark my words. 

~ Gabriel. 

It seemed unnecessarily cruel that the only thing Gabriel could remember was holding on to Sam and crying his eyes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the hiatus, I'm gonna admit I freakin forgot about this. but feel free to thank @gaylamp for this short apology update even existing at all, and I promise things will (maybe??) make sense next chapter
> 
> u know the protocol- kudos if want, and comment to call me out on this


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